


Thank You for the Beautiful Suffering

by the_musical_alchemist



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 06:53:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8046514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_musical_alchemist/pseuds/the_musical_alchemist
Summary: Levi doesn’t know very much about beauty. This world has never lent itself to such liberties. He fights to prolong the precarious seconds of his existence, and to seek meaning in the life he was given. But even so, he finds himself falling to his knees before a flower bed in Shiganshina, in search of some semblance of that which he’s never known.
  (spoilers for chapter 85!)





	Thank You for the Beautiful Suffering

**Author's Note:**

> I was taking drabble requests! This was one with the prompt: "I wish you were here." I hope you enjoy :D

Levi doesn’t know very much about beauty. This world has never lent itself to such liberties. He fights to prolong the precarious seconds of his existence, and to seek meaning in the life he was given. But even so, he finds himself falling to his knees before a flower bed in Shiganshina, in search of some semblance of that which he’s never known.

Perhaps beauty in and of itself is illusory, and a person’s life is only what they make of it. If that’s true, maybe he can wield these flowers with the skill he would one of his blades, and create instead of destroy. Use them to paint a peaceful resting place for him.

He picks one, then, two, then three. The bright and vibrant petals bounce off of his dirt-caked fingers in contrast. A faraway part of him realizes that he’d never even known what Erwin’s favorite color was.

Levi examines the bouquet in his hand and asks himself if this is beautiful. Can something so trivial ever amount to all that he found the day he vowed to follow Erwin, and the subsequent purpose every day since?

He bows his head, then clambers to his feet. Is it sufficient? Of course not. But it’s all that he has. The only way he’ll ever bring Erwin peace is if he carries out his dreams. Levi intends to do so.

Flowers in hand, he makes his way back into the house, the floorboards creaking under his footsteps as he moves through the hallway. He steps into the bedroom where he and Hanji had laid Erwin’s body.

Levi drops the flowers into an empty vase that had been sitting atop his bedside table and takes a step back to look at him. With his cloak pulled up to his chin, hiding his wounds, he could be sleeping for how peaceful he looks.

“It’s not much,” Levi says monotonously. “But I didn’t exactly have the time for anything more extravagant.”

Hanji, Eren, and Mikasa are still waiting for him. At last, they’re going to see what’s in the goddamn basement. Uncovering those secrets, seeing this through, that’s how Levi is going to honor Erwin’s memory.

At last, he sighs, reaching over to pull the cloak over his face. Once he’s out of view, Levi finds that his chest feels tight. He swallows hard, trying not to dwell on the broken possibilities. What if Levi had saved Erwin instead? What if it had been Eren and Mikasa picking flowers for Armin right now? What if Erwin had gotten to realize his own dream, at the cost of something far greater?

None of it matters. This is the choice he made. And Levi will be damned if he’s going to have any regrets.

“We’re going into that basement,” Levi manages softly. He takes a deep breath. “And then we’re going to see what else there is for us.” His lips twitch into a sad smile. “I wish you were here to see it.”

Is the world beautiful? Levi can’t say that of a world that has brought him so much pain. But maybe there’s beauty to be found in love. Because while he’s suffered for it, he’s found strength in it as well. Standing before Erwin right now, Levi thinks loving him may have been beautiful in its own right. If the flowers he’d picked are a manifestation of that, to whatever degree that is true, he may be able to convince himself that it’s enough.


End file.
